Stopping the Cycles of Unrelenting Crisis

DBT Treatment & Dialectical Dilemmas

This week we are talking all about dialectical dilemmas & our topic is: unrelenting crisis. We have covered dialectical dilemmas before with our discussions on active passivity, self invalidation, and inhibited grieving.

If you aren’t familiar with them, dialectical dilemmas are extreme conflicting emotional states a person may present in treatment. In DBT treatment, the goal is to find a healthy union of the two opposing ideas in whichever dilemma a patient presents.

Another dialectical dilemma: What is unrelenting crisis?

Well, it’s just what it sounds like. It’s when you experience one crisis after another, never ending. And if there is no true crisis, you create one–or convince yourself that a non-critical event is in fact, a crisis. In many ways it is the exact opposite of inhibited grieving. Where one would escape or ignore or suppress their extreme emotions within inhibited grieving, those extreme emotions would be embraced and exasperated.

When someone is experiencing unrelenting crisis, they find comfort in the chaos. It is a state of letting your emotions rule you–following the impulses of extreme feelings, without necessarily thinking through the consequences (which then can lead to a new crisis).

Think about how you feel when you react to instead of explore your emotions.

• Do you feel emotions like pain or grief or anger strongly, and work through them to see where they are coming from?
• Do you work to understand what changes they are requiring of you?
• Or do you act on impulse in the hopes that the extreme behavior will take care of the feeling?

When we react to instead of respond to our emotions, this can create a state of unrelenting crisis. While responding to our emotions would involve listening to what they are, exploring where they came from, and doing self reflection on what the best course of action would be, reacting is when you feel strongly and act impulsively in the moment based on that feeling.

This impulsive reaction doesn’t actually resolve the feeling. And more than likely, it will send you directly into a new crisis. For example: you get fed up at work, you yell at a coworker, you get fired, you can’t make your rent, you need a new place to live, and so on and so on.

The initial feeling of anger and frustration has not gone away. We’re merely distracted from it by the new crisis at hand.

Learning to work through your emotions as they come up instead of just reacting to them can help you stop the cycle of unrelenting crisis. That’s why we’re working on it.

So how can you stop the cycle of unrelenting crisis using DBT skills?

1. Acknowledge the feeling:

Often when we instantly react to an emotion, it’s because it’s one we don’t want to feel. We don’t want to be sad or angry anymore so we just act. We yell at whoever made us feel bad because we think by expelling that feeling back at them, it will make it go away within ourselves. But this is not the case. In order to actually resolve the feelings you have, you have to give yourself the time and space to explore and understand them. Next time you’re angry, sit with the anger. Say the words “I am angry.” Remind yourself that just because you feel a certain way, doesn’t mean you have to act in reaction to it.

2. Give yourself space to explore that feeling:

Now that you’ve acknowledged the feeling, it’s time to explore it. Take the example of anger above. Take out a journal or open the notes app on your phone, and explore it. Fill in the blanks:

• I’m feeling… [angry].
• I’m feeling angry because… [what caused the anger? What event brought it on?]
• It made me feel angry because… [why did that particular event or person trigger this emotion? How did it make you feel about yourself?]
• I would feel better next time if… [how do you wish the situation was handled?]
• When I respond to the person or event I will…[What will you tell them? How can you explain your feelings without placing blame? Can you let them know a suggestion for the future?]

3. Ground yourself before reacting:

Once you have explored that feeling, it can be tempting to jump right back into action, but try to give yourself some time to cool off. Sit quietly and focus on your breath. Do grounding exercises (like starting at your toes, noticing how each part of your body feels in the moment, etc.) Allow yourself the time and space to come down from the extreme emotion before reacting. When we are still at that emotional high, we are more likely to act impulsively, and we may slip back into that unrelenting crisis.

“Losing your head in a crisis is a good way to become the crisis.” C.J. Redwine