Every day, we encounter a variety of emotions. We can respond to these feelings in many different ways. When most people experience an intense emotion, they tend to either push the feeling away or react to it quickly. However, in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), there is a different way of handling difficult emotions and making them more manageable. It’s called “Riding the Wave” of emotions.
“Riding the Wave” is the practice of surfing your own intense emotions. Think of it this way: a surfer doesn’t fight the powerful ocean wave that comes their way; they move with the wave, riding its natural tide.This skill is just like riding a surfboard during the emotions – knowing that it will last only temporarily and then subside.
Just as the waves in an ocean change, so do your emotions. Like waves, your emotions might be calm and peaceful one moment and at another moment, intense and unpredictable. In times of distress, one can cope with intense emotions in a harmful or ineffective way that can make the situation worse and cause someone to neglect long term priorities, goals, and values.
Fighting emotions such as sadness and anger delays the acceptance of these emotions. “Riding the Wave” is about accepting your emotions to be with you without acting ineffectively. “Riding the Wave” encourages us to experience our emotions like waves in the ocean. Here are a few tips to help you practice “Riding the Wave”:
Be aware of the emotion
In a non-judgmental and mindful manner, recognize the feeling that you are experiencing. Name the feeling and think of it as part of you, but not all of you. Try saying, “I am feeling” rather than “I am”. The feeling does not define you!
Experience it
Experience your feeling like a wave moving with the ocean. You can’t stop a strong wave from coming towards you. Think about the options: You can fight it and get knocked down, you can run away, but the waves will come back, or you can ride out the wave safely following its direction.
Remember, this feeling is only one part of you
This emotion should not force you to react in any certain way, especially in a way that is harmful to you. Recall moments when you experienced more positive emotions to remind yourself that they will return soon enough. Like a wave in the ocean, this feeling will take its course.
Accept and tolerate your emotion
Try not to assign positive or negative thoughts to this feeling. Fully accept that this feeling is part of you right now, but it is only temporary. Often, intense feelings and urges seem like they will never end, leading us to amplify the experience and act on impulse. But think about all the times you have gotten through a difficult emotion. It passed. It always does. This is no different. Accepting painful emotions allows for freedom from suffering.
Remember to think of your emotions like the ocean. Feelings come in waves; some waves may be stronger than others, but they all will pass.
Reminders!
Although this skill may not make depression or anxiety go away, it helps make decisions from Wise Mind. When a person learns to acknowledge and accept pain rather than escape it, they can be in a mindset to see clearly and reach out and seek help.
It’s challenging to accept our thoughts and manage our emotions, but if we can learn how to ride the wave, we can prevent our urges from dictating our behavior. We can be more secure knowing that we have control over our behavior and learn how to make wise decisions in our everyday life.
Just as a surfer might experience fear as the waves approach, fear may also come over you, but rather than being engulfed by the waves, you can help yourself if you climb onto your board, paddle into position, and stand firmly to catch a ride as the wave approaches. The wave no longer takes you down and you can get back to shore.
Next time, instead of pushing your feelings aside or trying to control the emotion quickly, try “Riding the Wave”. Recognize what you feel, let yourself experience it, know that it is only temporary, and accept the feeling is part of you in the moment. “Riding the Wave” will help you feel more comfortable managing difficult emotions.
“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf.” – Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D. and Founder of MBSR
