Opening up about your mental health to anyone is a brave action and each of our relationships can present a different challenge. For teens, attempting to share our intimate feelings and talk to parents or ask to seek professional help can be a daunting task.
There are many reasons why this is such an undertaking for many adolescents including:
- Invalidation: Fear of being told you are “making it up” or “what you’re dealing with isn’t that bad”
- Self-stigma: Thinking your mental health “isn’t serious enough” yourself, that you are “faking” mental health difficulties, or you can’t actually have a mental health condition because you don’t think you fit the criteria
- Guilt: Being worried about disappointing or creating more difficulties for your parents and not wanting them to be worried about you
- Lack of emotional security: Not having your parents support you the way you needed in the past and not feeling safe enough to be vulnerable about your emotions with parentsEspecially if your parents are a large reason why you are struggling with your mental health, whether they place immense pressure on you, are restrictive of your freedoms, or are abusive to you.
These are incredibly valid reasons to be worried when it comes to talking to your parents about mental health. What is important to remember is you are not the only one that is struggling to manage your thoughts, emotions and stress. According to the World Health Organization, one in seven teens from ages 10-19 experience a mental health disorder. A key aspect of mental health disorders is having a negative impact on functioning in school, work, and social contexts, which means suffering with our mental health makes it even more difficult to improve our mental health on our own. When we open up to the people in our life about what we are going through, we are more likely to receive the help and support we need. We don’t always need to know exactly what help we need, but reaching out to your loved ones, especially parents, can be life-changing and life-saving. Here are a few tips if you are considering telling your parents about your mental health concerns and asking for professional help.
How To Talk To Parents About Mental Health
- Plan out what you want to say.
You are more likely to explain what’s going on in a coherent way if you are prepared with points to discuss. If there are particular conditions you believe you are dealing with (anxiety, depression, eating disorders, etc.) do some research on them and choose examples specific to your life that align with that condition.
Example: “Some of the main factors of Generalized Anxiety Disorder are constantly worrying about many different things and overthinking all worst-case scenarios. I am always worrying about my grades, my friendships, and my future and I stay up all night thinking about bad things that could happen.”
- Tell someone you feel more comfortable with first.
Does anyone in your life know about what you are going through? If your parents feel like too large of a step, think about the people in your life you believe would be supportive. A friend, a teacher, a coach, a sibling, or a cousin might be easier for you and can give you practice in talking about your mental health. You may also want to recruit the person to help you talk to your parents. You can bring a friend or sibling to talk to your parents or have a school faculty member meet with you and your family. Rely on those you feel comfortable with to help them understand and support you through a tough conversation.
- Try to talk to them at an “appropriate” time.
Something else that holds individuals back from being open about mental health is “waiting for the right time.” The truth is, we will wait forever for the “right time” because we will always think a later time will be better! While the perfect time doesn’t exist, choosing to talk with your parents at a time when they appear more relaxed and can give you their full attention will give you the best chance of having a productive conversation. Try to avoid bringing it up when your parents are particularly stressed/rushed or blurting it out when you are feeling highly emotional around them.
- Let your parents know how they can help.
If you are struggling to understand what can help you cope with your mental health, your parents might be just as lost. Consider your objective of the conversation.
- Do you want them to simply listen and know what you are going through?
- Do you want them to check in with you regularly to see how you are feeling? (If so, be prepared to be honest with them when they do! Otherwise, you won’t be taking advantage of the support you are asking for.)
- Do you want them to be more validating, learn more about mental health, or communicate with you in a different way?
- Do you want them to help you find a therapist to help you learn the skills to cope with your mental health?
If you aren’t sure what you want from your parents, share what you would like less of from them: yelling, grounding, pressure for school/responsibilities, invalidation, etc.
How To Prepare for Your Parents Reactions
What if my parents are upset or disappointed?
Parents are sometimes not as informed on mental health and may have difficulty managing their reactions to something they don’t understand. Very often, parents are more disappointed in themselves, fearing they have contributed to your difficulties or didn’t notice you were struggling. Consider explaining to them that part of what prevented you from opening up was the fear of a similar reaction and that speaking to them about your mental health shows that you really want to work on it.
What if my parents dismiss my feelings and tell me my problems aren’t real?
It can be incredibly painful to be vulnerable with your loved ones and have them dismiss your experiences. What is important to remember is you probably would not have brought it up to your parents if you did not feel serious about it. It can be hard to maintain inner reassurance that regardless of how other people see it, my experiences are valid. After the conversation, try to remind yourself that you did a brave thing and deserve to be proud of yourself. Nobody’s opinion can take away what you experience.
What if my parents won’t take me to therapy even though I asked?
If you do not have your parents’ support, most schools have a counselor or social worker that any student is able to see. Since we spend most of our week at school, it might be convenient to have someone close by you can talk to if you’re having a tough day. There are also tons of free online support groups and forums dedicated to specific mental health concerns you can learn from and talk to people encountering the same stressors. Teen Line is a great example as it provides support for teens by teens who are trained in mental health. Additionally, many don’t know that certain states permit minors to seek mental health care without parental consent (restrictions may apply). Search up your local laws to see if your state applies, but if you decide to take this route, carefully evaluate your decision to seek therapy without your parent’s knowledge.
If you’ve reached this point, that means you are probably seriously considering opening up to your parents about how you are struggling. First, take some pride in yourself for putting in the work to learn how you can communicate your feelings and prepare for a tough conversation! It is scary being vulnerable when you don’t know how your parents will react but know that if you are committed to bettering yourself and working through your issues, you will overcome it in time. We believe in you! Now it’s time to believe in yourself.
