Making friends as an adult in NYC!?
When we consider such things such as growing our friend circle or even taking the first step to making friends as an adult, it can seem like a daunting process – especially in such a large urban environment like New York City.
Maybe you have tried making friends and haven’t had much success, or the thought of such a task causes anxiety for you. There are many reasons why finding friends as an adult may seem like an impossible and uncomfortable task. So why even bother?
Making friends, especially in our adult life in New York City, has proven benefits.
Friendship provides us many different, positive benefits! Studies throughout the years have focused on how social interaction enhances our lives. Friends help us to
- increase our sense of belonging, purpose, and happiness
- help improve our self-confidence and self-worth.
- When we have a positive support system around us, we are more ready to cope with traumas.
- The friendships around us may even encourage us to make healthy choices.
Friendships also help us with some key Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills, such as Check the Facts. Checking the facts is all about seeing the situation for what it really is – not what we perceive it or interpret it to be. Friends can play a vital role in this skill. If we need a trusted hand to help us double-check our facts – who better than a friend?
Remember: People would be lucky to have you as a friend.
Remind yourself that you are lovable. Send yourself some loving kindness. It’s important for us to take into account our self-worth, self-confidence and value when beginning to look for friendships. You are worthy, just as you are!
However, it still takes a lot of effort to find new people in your life.
Some tips for how to make new friends:
Start with your interests
Such as hobbies and passions! This can be an instant and comfortable conversation starter.
Let them know you like them
Show people that genuinely care like compliments! Sometimes complimenting someone on the elevator, on the way to work, or at a social gathering – can be the start of a fantastic friendship.
Put yourself out there
Just like we highlighted before – making friends takes effort. It also takes initiative on your part. Not everyone will be able to come to us!
When approaching groups…
It might look a little more different than approaching individual people. An open group is a group where new members are welcome whereas a closed group is a group in which new members are not welcome. It’s important to assess this before you approach a group. Look at the body language of the group – is there space for someone to join? Are they only looking at the room or at each other? Other verbal clues could be to listen to what the group is talking about and see if the topic is personal, specific or general.
“I’ve got my foot in the door, now what to do I do!?”
You have taken the first step in creating new friendships and connection! Take a moment to validate yourself and your efforts!
Now, let’s talk about some ways to put your best foot forward when making friends.
Remember to be engaged in the conversation! This can be both verbal and nonverbal. Whether it’s making eye contact, nodding your head, asking questions to others or others answering your questions – Mae sure that you’re appearing interested.
Not all conversations need to be deep or meaningful. When we are in our first few interactions with individuals or a group making small talk that you’re comfortable with enables you to build comfort and increases self-confidence.
If you suffer from social anxiety or are generally an introvert – having some go-to topics can help make you feel more prepared and more self-confident! Keeping notes in your phone of things that interest you or might interest others throughout the day.
Other things to keep in mind during conversations are:
Try not to overshare (if others aren’t offering up intimate details, read the room, and don’t offer those detail) and be polite (wait for others to finish talking before you speak, etc.)
Making friends can seem a little daunting, and it may take a few tries and some serious effort; but when you think of all the benefits they have in your life – it makes it worth it.
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘what! You too? I Thought I was the only one.” -C.S. Lewis
