Transitions are never easy. The last time we talked about big life transitions we went over the common fears that come with them. Fears like:
➡What if I lose what I have now?
➡What if I make this change, and I end up unhappy?
➡What if I think I’m ready but I’m not?
But whether we feel as if we’re ready or not, change happens to all of us. Learning healthy and productive coping mechanisms to get us through times of significant transitions will help us adapt to our ever changing circumstances!
Today I want you to think about how you usually feel during big life transitions.
What is the overwhelming emotion? Is it anxiety? Stress? Anticipation? Trepidation? Fear? Excitement? Exhaustion? Really take time to think about how you feel during transitional periods of your life. Reason being, if you can identify how you’re feeling and how you WANT to feel, you can identify more easily the tools that will help you get there!
Most of us don’t ever learn how to deal with transitions in a healthy, manageable way. But having an action plan or a few coping mechanisms to bring us comfort in a time when big things are changing can help us keep our emotions balanced out, reduce stress, and allow us to go through whatever transition is upon us without feeling like our entire lives are going to be uprooted.
Change is scary for most (if not all) of us.
Jumping from the known to the unknown always comes with fear and trepidation. But that doesn’t have to be ALL that life’s transitions come with.
With a few tips and coping mechanisms, we can start to see life’s transitions as opportunities and learn to feel excited when they’re upon us!
So how can you start to handle big changes in your life?
1). Allow yourself to be a bit nostalgic:
One of the reasons transitions are so hard is that so often we LIKE what we have, and we’re afraid of losing it when we change! Trying to push that fear away completely probably won’t work. Take time to honor the place you are now, how you got there, and reflect on what it meant for you. There was a time when your current circumstances were a change, and look how much it meant to you! Moving on doesn’t mean you’re writing off your past experiences, you’re simply taking them with you somewhere new.
2). Make a list:
We love lists here. This time, make a list of times you’ve successfully navigated change in the past! You have done it, even if it feels small compared to whatever big change you’re getting ready for now. Having a *physical* reminder of your ability to navigate life’s transitions can help give you the confidence you need when facing a new challenge.
3). Remember your support network:
Call a friend or family, someone who you love and trust. Ask them how they manage the stress and flow of conflicting emotions when times of big transitions are upon them. Hearing stories from people whose support and wisdom you value can help remind you how important change is! Without it we would never grow. Being able to look at it from an outside perspective can help remind you of this. It also will help remind you that while some things are changing, others (like your support system) will be constant.
4). Make another list:
Yep! Another one! Sometimes transitions feel like they are forced upon us by circumstance (maybe you need to move, maybe you lost your job, etc.) but that doesn’t mean it’s ONLY bringing negatives into our life. Make a list of new opportunities this change will allow you to have in your life. Use it to remind yourself that changes can bring positives into your life too!
“Change is situational. Transition, on the other hand, is psychological. It is not those events, but rather the inner reorientation or self-redefinition that you have to go through in order to incorporate any of those changes into your life. Without a transition, a change is just a rearrangement of the furniture. Unless transition happens, the change won’t work, because it doesn’t take.” -William Bridges
Alyssa Mairanz, LMHC, DBTC
Alyssa Mairanz provides counseling and therapy services for life transitions, relationship issues, self esteem, depression, anxiety, and DBT and Psychodynamic therapy in a NYC group practice in the Flatiron District near Madison Square Park. She also serves the Village, Chelsea, Union Square, the Financial District and the surrounding areas.
Empower Your Mind Therapy’s mission is to helps our clients build the life they want and find more happiness and satisfaction.
