Learning to set boundaries is a crucial part of interpersonal effectiveness. We talked about it last week when we broke down learning when to say no–but that isn’t the only way boundaries show up in our lives.
So much of our lives these days is intertwined with our online presence. And social media does a lot of wonderful things! It helps to educate and connect people in ways that was never possible before the internet.
But (just like social interaction in life outside of the internet) if we don’t navigate through these online spaces with our health and wellness in mind, we can get stuck in toxic, unhealthy, or emotionally draining habits. The big difference–why it seems so much harder to avoid those things on the internet–is because we’re never taught it in the same way we’re taught about “real life” relationships and boundaries.
When we don’t set boundaries in social media and other online spaces…
we are more likely to find social media to be a toxic space one that reinforces:
negative self talk
negative self image
unhealthy coping mechanisms
emotional overwhelm
and lack of respect for both yourself and others
Today, take a moment to consider how you feel when you’re online. Ask yourself:
How does tuning into social media so often make me feel?
Do I actually enjoy my time on these sites or do I feel I’m just going through the motions?
Do I feel drained after checking in all of these various online spaces?
Do I benefit from the content I have put in front of myself?”
Why am I on social media?
What do I want to get out of these various platforms?
Has my experience on them aligned with my desires and goals?
Why even bother with social media boundaries?
Well, learning to set those boundaries helps to preserve your online space as a positive, informative, healthy space. Instead of feeling bombarded by negative messages or too much information, boundaries on social media can help you:
enjoy social media how it was intended: to connect and engage with people you care about
limit your time on social media so you’re enjoying it, without it taking over all of your leisure time
foster a sense of community without a toxic culture
In essence: without putting in the effort to carefully curate what we want to see online, social media can quickly turn into an unhealthy space. But when we do put that effort in, it can help to enrich our lives!
So how do you go about setting social media boundaries and in other online spaces?
1). Be intentional about who you follow:
Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to follow or friend every single person you know in real life. (Or every celebrity you’ve ever liked). Your online experience should reflect the social experiences you’d chose for yourself off-line. Would you actually sit down with these people, have a coffee, and catch up with them? If not, do you really need to be following them? Be selective with who you allow into your online space. They should be friends you care about–it’s a great way to stay easily connected to long distance friends!–not just a way to gather gossip about people you don’t actually stay in touch with.
And, when it comes to brands or business, ask yourself what you’re getting out of following them. Local businesses are great ones to follow–it can help you keep up with events going on in your community. But how many influencers are actually providing something useful to your feed? A good rule of thumb when deciding whether or not to follow someone you don’t know is to ask yourself: does their content actually enrich my life? For example: is it educating you? Is it providing you with a perspective you wouldn’t get from your own experience? Is it engaging in the culture in a positive way?
Or, after going through it, is it actually just putting a lot of negative thoughts in your mind?
2). Don’t be afraid to mute or unfollow:
It can feel harsh to unfriend people just because you don’t regularly catch up with them. And it can be awkward–maybe you’re friends with a coworker online, but you don’t actually like anything they post. It would be uncomfortable to unfriend or unfollow them and have to explain why at work, but that doesn’t mean you have to continue to keep their posts on your feed. On facebook you can “unfollow” someone which means you’ll stay friends with them, but you won’t see their posts anymore! And on twitter and instagram you can mute accounts, so their content doesn’t come across your feed, but you’re still a follower.
And when it comes to people you don’t know that you’re not following: if you find yourself feeling upset about more than one of their posts, just unfollow them! It’s more likely that their content will continue to upset you, so it’s better to just eliminate it from your feed.
3). Reflect on what you share and why:
What are you posting? Why are you posting? Is it to get some sort of reassurance or validation from someone else? When you feel that urge, type out your post in the notes app. Then take a few minutes to process whatever it is in a healthier way: do some deep breathing, take some time to journal, call a friend to talk. When you’ve done that, do you still feel the need to post it?
Learning to use social media as a space to share and connect rather than to live *through* is so important. Ask yourself if you’re using social media as a quick fix to a need in your off-line world, and look for other tangible ways to meet those needs.
“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how to use it.” – Anna Taylor
