When we see missteps as failures, it’s likely we’re stuck in a fixed mindset.
In this kind of mindset, we tend to believe that our abilities, traits, and qualities are fixed–that they can’t ever change. That also means that we see experiences on a pass/fail scale. If we try something and don’t get it right, and our abilities can’t ever change or grow, then we’ve failed.
We’ve talked a bit about a growth mindset before, which is the natural foil to a fixed mindset. While we won’t go over all the differences between a fixed and growth mindset since we’ve done that already, this week we’re going to explore one distinct difference between the two:
Where a person with a fixed mindset sees failure, a person with a growth mindset sees a learning experience.
Today, I want you to think about what happens when you try something new. Is there pressure to succeed on the first try? Do you feel your worth lessons if you “fail”? Does the pressure and fear of failure build up, causing you so much anxiety that you never try anything new at all?
Now imagine if you were open to (or even expected!) not to get new things right the first time. Maybe you applied for a job and didn’t get it–instead of thinking of yourself as a failure, what would happen if you asked for some feedback? You might find areas to work on and grow! (Or you might find that it actually had nothing to do with you at all–sometimes viewing opportunities that weren’t right for us as failures can hold us back even more!)
When we let ourselves be okay with “failure” we give ourselves permission to try. Because if we don’t get it right this time, we can just try again!
How would your life change if you let yourself “fail” without shame? Would you try more new things? How would it improve your self-confidence?
It’s understandable that so many of us view failures as final, instead of stepping stones to success. So much of our lives are dictated by what we can achieve, and in our culture, productivity and accomplishments are celebrated above all else. But when you are only comfortable doing things you know you will be able to “get right” the first time, you actually hold yourself back! When you allow failure to be an option and use it as an opportunity to learn and grow, you open yourself up to all sorts of new experiences and skills!
So how can you start to shift your view on failure? How can you start to think of it as an opportunity to learn?
1). Compare to where you started:
What did you gain from this? Chances are, even if you don’t realize it, the failure has taught you something. Take some time to reflect on what it is you learned. How can you use that to be better going forward?
2). Celebrate what you did right:
No matter how small! Congratulate yourself on what was well done. That’s a success that can help you balance out that feeling of failure until you’re comfortable with it.
3). Ask someone you admire:
Is there someone in your life who seems to have it all together? Pick something they’re good at, something you admire and aspire to, and ask them about it! They probably seem like a natural NOW but if you ask them about their experience learning and practicing, it probably took them a while to get there! If it took them time, and you still have all that admiration for them, then why can’t you allow yourself the same thing?
4). Remember small steps:
Maybe your goal is too big! That doesn’t mean it won’t ever be achievable but trying to change your whole life in one go probably isn’t going to work, and you’ll just wind up feeling defeated and frustrated. Instead, when you don’t achieve that success, think about how you can break it up into smaller pieces. “
