Developing Habits to Improve Your Self-Esteem

This week we are talking about developing habits to improve self-esteem.

What is self-esteem (i.e. self-confidence) in the first place?

According to VeryWellMind.com, “Self-esteem is used to describe a person’s overall sense of self-worth or personal value. In other words, how much you appreciate and like yourself. Self-esteem is often seen as a personality trait, which means that it tends to be stable and enduring. Self-esteem can involve a variety of beliefs about yourself, such as the appraisal of your own appearance, beliefs, emotions, and behaviors.”

So it comes down to the simple idea of how much do you like and appreciate yourself? In general, do you think you have high self-esteem, or low self-esteem?

Low self-esteem on its own is not considered a mental health condition, but it can be linked to a decreased sense of emotional well being.

Low self-esteem can contribute to the cultivation of negative habits and patterns:

→ relationship problems

→ substance abuse

→ depression

→ anxiety

When we make a conscious effort to build our self-esteem, we also increase our ability to show compassion toward ourselves. This increase in self-compassion is usually accompanied by an increase in self-worth and it makes it more likely that we will find healthier patterns and behaviors than when we had low self-esteem.

So how do we begin to build up our self-esteem? One way is to begin with our daily habits, to see how our daily routine contributes to our level of self-esteem. What you do every day has an influence on you, even if you’re not conscious of it.

Today, take stock and ask yourself “What is my current level of self-esteem? Why is it like that?”

How habits influence our self-confidence.

Think critically about how your habits influence your daily life. What are the things you do every day? Since habits are things we do regularly, almost without thinking about them, you may have a hard time coming up with the list right away. Try writing down what you do in a day if you don’t know where to start – then you can refer to your list the next day to see what actions are repeated on a daily basis. You may be surprised to recognize some of your current habits because you do them without even realizing it!

For example, you may find yourself waking up and automatically hitting the snooze button again every morning. While sometimes you probably just want to sleep in, when you do it regularly you probably find yourself frazzled and in a rush to get your day started. Starting the day off on a rushed and panicked note isn’t a great feeling, and doing it on a regular basis can build up those negative feelings.

High self-esteem is not something that is static forever – it is something that takes practice and it can change over time. That’s why it’s important to set yourself up for success as much as you can, by building habits that make you feel better about yourself.

Ask yourself: How do my habits currently increase my sense of self-esteem? How do they decrease it?

So what can you do to develop habits to build confidence and improve self-esteem?

1. Start small

Try to build new habits one at a time. It can be tempting to try to overhaul your whole life in one swoop, but having that many variables in place makes it less likely that you’ll stick with your new habits. Start small, with a fairly simple habit, and then once you have that under your belt, you can build off of that success and tackle the next one.

2. Be patient

You’ve probably heard that it takes 21 days to form a new habit, but that’s not completely true. The truth is, everyone develops habits in their own time. Some people can pick things up right away, and others need to practice for a long time before it becomes second nature. Don’t put any pressure on yourself to rush or cut corners – developing new habits takes time and effort.

3. Try an anchor habit

One way to ease into a new habit is to connect it to a habit you already have. This is called an ‘anchor habit’ – the established habit helps you to anchor your practice of the new habit. For example, if you want to develop a daily reading habit, tie it to something you already do, such as brushing your teeth. Every day right after you brush your teeth, spend 10 minutes sitting down with a book. Over time, it will become second nature to screw the top back on the toothpaste and dive into a book!

4. Try to plan for obstacles ahead of time

What has tripped you up when forming new habits in the past? Do your best to plan ahead for any issues you may have when implementing the new habit. If time is an issue, see if you can rearrange your schedule. If money is an issue, see what other options you have. If your desired habit is physical, what happens if you’re sick or injured? Think through all of the possibilities (including reasons that forming this habit has failed in the past!) so you can make a plan.

5. Tell people about your plans

Keep yourself accountable by telling the people in your life what you’re working on. If other people know that you’re working on changing up your habits, they can support you when you need it and also keep you on task. Try posting about it on social media or texting your BFF with your plans. Once other people know about it, it’s easier to stay motivated.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha