As the decade comes to a close, it’s a wonderful time for self reflection and goal setting.
How much have you changed in the last year, or the last ten years? What have been your biggest accomplishments? What have been the biggest struggles you’ve overcome? How do you want to take that growth you’ve achieved, and keep it moving forward?
New Year’s Resolutions tend to be skewed negative. We see parts of ourselves that we don’t like, and we decide that when the calendar turns over, we’ll either fix those parts or be rid of them entirely.
But when we set goals (or “resolutions” as they’re called this time of year) from a place of hatred or negativity, we set ourselves up to fail. Because if you achieve them, you are confirming that there was something “wrong” with you, something you’re better off without–and how does that really make you feel once you’ve achieved it? And if you don’t, then you feel like a failure.
This week I want to talk about how to shift that goal setting for 2020.
When we focus on the growth we want to continue rather than the different ways in which we want to shrink ourselves, our goals become easier to set, easier to stick to, and easier to restart when we’ve gone off track a bit.
Today, I want you to think about the types of goals or resolutions you typically set for yourself in the new year. Are they concrete goals, like “I want to read 50 books this year”? Do they fit with the lifestyle you have, or are they goals you just think the “best version” of yourself would be able to achieve?
Sometimes, we set goals in the new year with the best intentions, but without actually thinking about how achieving them would actually fit into our lives.
For example, if you decide your goal for the new year is to go to the gym 3 times a week, have you really thought about what has stopped you from frequenting the gym this past year? It’s likely not lack of motivation–if physical exercise is important to you, but you have a stressful job or a hectic family life, going to the gym just might not FIT into your weekly schedule. Or you might not have the budget for a gym membership!
Or you might be setting goals you think will help you grow, but actually have no relevance or significance to your own life. Maybe you think you should appreciate local arts more, so you decide you want to see one new show a month. That’s a great goal–if you like going to see shows! But if you’re just setting it because you think it will make you a more well rounded person and you don’t actually have any desire to see a new show every month, then you’re probably not going to achieve this goal. And even if you do, what will you have gained by achieving a goal that felt like a chore?
Ask yourself:
- What areas of my life are priorities right now?
- Where do I want to be setting goals?
- What does self growth mean to me?
- What am I hoping to gain from goal setting?
While new year’s resolutions can often be the butt of a joke, they aren’t actually bad to set! And in fact, when you take time to set goals that are actually significant and well suited to your life, you they are often achievable!
So how can you go about making sure your goal setting for the new year are the right ones for you?
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Take Time for Reflection
This time of year is a wonderful excuse to take a little extra time to reflect on yourself, your growth and your setbacks. Look back at the last year: what are you proud of? Make a list of things you have accomplished (or taken steps toward accomplishing) that you’re proud of! This can be a more helpful way to reflect on your self growth than dissecting the things you’re disappointed in, because it helps to shed light on your values. What makes you proud, why was it easier to achieve these things, what motivated you to do them? When crafting new goals, keep your old achievements in mind. Do your new goals align with the values of your previous achievements and the growth you want to continue? Are they personal and relevant? Simply ask yourself: why does this new goal *matter* to me?
(And if you’re struggling to come up with an answer to that question, it’s probably not the right goal for you).
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Explore That Feeling of Dissatisfaction
Has there been a longing for something more in the past year? When do you most frequently notice it? There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging our own dissatisfaction in our life–in fact, making note of it is much more helpful to us than ignoring it! If you find yourself frequently bored, that says something! And instead of ignoring it and brushing it aside saying you’re being selfish, or greedy, etc., think about what would fulfill that need that has been ignored. Do you want to challenge your mind more? Maybe take a class! Do you feel a little stuck in your routine? Maybe you should make a goal to try new restaurants or local events once a month!
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Don’t Overwhelm Yourself
One of the basic traps we fall into with new year’s goals and resolutions is simply making too many. While the symbolic gesture of setting goals as the calendar flips into a new year can be great and healthy, you don’t need to completely change your life overnight. Decide which goal is the most important for you. If it’s developing a new habit, wait until it’s a steady part of your routine before trying to achieve a new one. Slow progress is much, much better than no progress.
“It’s better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb than at the top of the one you don’t.” Stephen Kellogg
