This week we are talking about giving yourself credit as a way to build self-esteem. Oftentimes, struggling with low self-esteem has to do with focusing mostly on the negative. We tend to harp on thoughts around where we feel we messed up, where we feel we failed, and what we wish was different. Taking time to shift away from this line of thinking helps build self-esteem and a more positive view of oneself. This will ultimately lead to finding more satisfaction and happiness in life.
When you start giving yourself credit, you stop focusing on the negative and start making room for the positive.
When you only focus on the bad, you discount all the good, leaving you feeling discouraged and down. Stop this habit and start giving yourself credit right now! Ask yourself “how much of my time is spent on the negative and how often do I commend myself for all I am doing well?”
Too often, we discount our accomplishments and positive qualities. Low self-esteem is rooted in feelings that you are not worthy or enough. The result is not taking opportunities where we can succeed and not recognizing times when you have already been successful. Feeling that you can’t do it and are not capable leads to missed opportunities. Focus on perceived failure leads to not being able to see anything positive. This stands in the way of getting what you want and puts you in a lose-lose situation. How can you reach your goals if you don’t take the necessary steps and are unable to recognize when you already have? This is where giving ourselves credit comes in. It is essentially doing the opposite of what our urge is. Giving yourself credit is about forcing yourself to see your positives. It takes you out of the negative bubble you are living in.
How to start giving yourself credit
- Make time for it. Prioritize taking as little as 5 minutes a day to pat yourself on the back and celebrate something you accomplished. Build this time into your routine.
- Focus on progress not perfection. If you are striving for perfection, you are trying to accomplish the impossible. There is always both good and bad to be found in any situation. Choose to focus on the good. Stop only looking at what is missing and what you are still working towards. Instead, think about the progress you have made, what you have done, and where your strength shined through.
- For every negative thought, match it with a positive. When you find yourself ruminating on what you view as a failure or what’s going wrong, shift your focus and think about an accomplishment and something that is going right.
- Be your own cheerleader. Don’t rely on others to validate your success. When you accomplish something or feel proud of yourself, allow yourself to relish in it without needing other people to be the ones to commend you.
- Have a personal mantra. Come up with words of encouragement that gives yourself praise. Remind yourself that you are beautiful, smart, and strong. Know that you are worthy, deserving of love, and important in the world. Put your positive thoughts into a statement to say over and over to yourself. It is important to repeat your mantra(s) multiple times a day to help promote a more general sense of confidence and positivity.
As your first step to giving yourself credit, make a plan to being incorporating the tips above.
Ask yourself: “How am I going to start making more time to give myself credit?” “How do I see my life changing when I start giving myself more credit?” Come up with a small concrete goal that will help you celebrate you and your successes.
And if you’d like some more support around this topic, shoot me any e-mail at alyssa.mairanz@gmail.com and I will be in touch with next steps.
Alyssa Mairanz, LMHC, DBTC
Alyssa Mairanz provides counseling and therapy services for life transitions, relationship issues, self esteem, depression, anxiety, and DBT and Psychodynamic therapy in a NYC group practice in the Flatiron District near Madison Square Park. She also serves the Village, Chelsea, Union Square, the Financial District and the surrounding areas.
Empower Your Mind Therapy’s mission is to helps our clients build the life they want and find more happiness and satisfaction.
