Dialectical Behavior Therapy or DBT is a therapy created by Marsha Linehan that focuses on Dialectics, Acceptance and Change. While counseling can be an amazing tool for a variety of reasons, sometimes it might not be accessible or we might not be ready to engage in it yet. That’s okay! Today we’re going to focus on how you can utilize DBT self help in your everyday life as a tool when experiencing distressing moments, hard to swallow truths, and implementing behavior change.
Dialectics are the synthesis of two opposing ideals.
It is finding the truth in opposites, and utilizing it to find balance in our lives.
For example: Someone you care about has something about them that you don’t quite like. This may seem confusing, but Dialectics would have us see the truth in both ends of the spectrum.
You care about this person AND there is something they do that annoys you or upsets you.
A key Dialectical dilemma in DBT is…
“I’m doing the best I can AND I want to be doing better.”
Sometimes “I’m doing the best I can” is seen as a caveat for stagnation, or patronizing. However, this dialectic shows us that it’s okay to validate ourselves, and accept our current limitations while also addressing the reality that we still want to improve and do more, and we can!
There are many different dialectical dilemmas that are common that we talk more in depth about in therapy.
What other ways we can practice DBT Self Help skills in our everyday lives?
When we change our language around how we speak to ourselves and others, it can be life-changing. “But” has a negative connotation, and ultimately communicates that one side is better than the other. Not very dialectical. However, “and” shows us that both are equally important to address and each hold truth.
A simple and effective way to integrate dialectics into your life is to start using “and” instead of “but.”
Another way is to notice when you’re working in extremes.
When do you engage in black and white thinking? What situations do you find yourself in emotion mind or reason mind rather than in wise mind?
Then begin to observe and journal the dialectics that you find yourself facing each day.
The first step to any skill is awareness and practice!!
Octavio Paz once said that:
“Wisdom lies neither in the fixity nor in change, but in the dialectic between the two.”
To take your DBT exercises and skill learning even further, go here to find out how we utilize DBT and dialectics in our sessions and/or go here to find out more about our DBT Skills Group!!
