This week we are talking about distorted thinking and our topic is black and white thinking. Distorted thinking is the core beliefs and myths we have about the world that are not actually based in truth. This creates emotional conflict. Black and white thinking is one type of distorted thinking. It’s also known as all or nothing thinking.
Black and white thinking is the “always,” “never,” “all the time,” type of thoughts.
Black and white thinking boxes things into one of two extreme options, leaving us unable to see any alternative views. The extremes are rarely factually accurate, and that is what creates emotional difficulties. This type of thought process limits your perspective and creates a rigidity and inflexibility that creates more stress and problems. Looking at facts as one of two extremes also leads to emotional extremes. Examples of black and white thinking:
“ I never feel happy”
“I’m always alone.”
“People always disappoint me.”
“I will never find success.”
Right now ask yourself “How much does black and white thinking come into play in my thought process?”
Black and white thinking creates more emotional difficulties for ourselves. It also can create conflict in relationships. This is because black and white thinking does not leave room for compromise, flexibility and seeing the big picture. Black and white thinking gets in the way of compassion and highlights the negative.
For example, when looking for a job, not getting hired after a couple of interviews leads to feeling like you will never get hired. This discounts jobs you found in the past, the fact that applying for job is a numbers game, and does not allow for problem solving. This applies to relationships as well. Let’s say a friend cancelled plans for an unknown reason.
Black and white thinking can lead to harsh judgements and, potentially, hastiness to end the friendship. The thoughts can be “ they always cancel on me,” forgetting all the times you did get together. It can even go further and spark a deep dissatisfaction in all relationships. You might think “everyone always cancels on me,” when that is untrue. Not being able to see the true middle ground keeps you from effectively evaluating how to proceed and increases emotional intensity and stress. That is why shifting away from black and white thinking is extremely important.
How To Shift Out of Black and White Thinking
- Identify and acknowledge that black and white thinking is occurring. Be mindful of when you are thinking of things in terms of “right or wrong,” “all or nothing,” “never or always.” Own that that is black and white thinking.
- Think about alternative options. This is about finding the middle ground and seeing the gray area. Instead of this either or type of thought process, look at it as both or as well as. Instead of “can’t,” think of things in terms of “yet.”
- Stay present focused. Black and white thinking is often fueled by getting stuck in past circumstances. This leads to missing out on key factors of the current situation. To counter this, stay in the moment. Look at what the actual facts are. Ask for other people’s perspectives if needed.
- Look at the big picture. The past is sometimes important to the current moment. While it is important to first utilize the above mentioned tip, when then thinking about the relevant past, don’t get tunnel visioned on the negative or what “proves” your black and white viewpoint. Consider situations where things were different and illustrated more of a gray area.
Today, take some time to think about taking steps to shift away from black and white thinking.
Work towards identifying black and white thinking as it occurs and working on shifting your mindset.
Alyssa Mairanz, LMHC, DBTC
Alyssa Mairanz provides counseling and therapy services for life transitions, relationship issues, self esteem, depression, anxiety, and DBT and Psychodynamic therapy in a NYC group practice in the Flatiron District near Madison Square Park. She also serves the Village, Chelsea, Union Square, the Financial District and the surrounding areas.
Empower Your Mind Therapy’s mission is to helps our clients build the life they want and find more happiness and satisfaction.
