We’ve talked about self compassion, and the six different pillars of self esteem, but we haven’t talked about why self esteem is important in the first place!
While having low self esteem isn’t itself categorized as a mental health condition, it is often linked to lowered emotional well-being. Low self esteem can contribute to the cultivation of negative habits and patterns which can lead to things like:
- poor relationships
- addiction
- depression
- anxiety
Today, I want you to think critically about how your self esteem (high or low) influences your day to day life.
Do you draw back from knew, unfamiliar experiences? How frequently do you fixate on mistakes? Do you find yourself frequently in negative relationships?
When we build our self esteem, self compassion and worth come with it. If you said yes to the questions above, imagine if your perspective on yourself was able to change. And if you saw value in yourself and your needs, you would be able to cultivate positive relationships. If you had self compassion you would be able to forgive yourself for mistakes and move on, and the fear of new experiences wouldn’t overpower your desire to try them.
So what can you do to build up your self esteem?
Use positive affirmations:
The problem many people find with affirmations is that they are just too contrary to existing low self esteem. If you don’t believe it, then saying “I am smart and accomplished!” might not actually make you feel better. But that doesn’t mean an affirmation practice isn’t for you!
Instead of trying the “fake it til you make it” style of affirmations, find positives that exist already, and highlight those through your affirmations. If you don’t feel accomplished, don’t say “I am smart and accomplished!”; instead try “Even if I don’t get it right the first time, I’ll keep on trying!”
Express gratitude for your strengths:
Low self esteem is often exacerbated by fixating on what we view as our flaws. Even if you can’t stop that habit as quickly as you would like, you can balance it out with taking time to highlight your strengths. If you find yourself beating yourself up, take a second and say thank you to yourself for ONE postive thing for each negative thought you express.
If you say “I’m so stupid” take a second and really choose a positive trait you like about yourself. Say something like “I’m grateful to have the skills and compassion to be a good friend/sister/mother/etc.” Then eventually, eliminate the negative thoughts as much as possible!
Replace “sorry” with “thank you”:
Saying “sorry” so frequently isn’t actually good! While on the surface it may seem polite and socially appropriate, what you’re actually doing is positioning yourself as a burden or someone who has messed up. Even if you *have* made a mistake, instead of apologizing for it, say thank you to whoever helped you fix it!
Instead of saying “sorry for being late!” say instead “thank you for your patience!” That way, you can express gratitude and value for those you’re interacting with, without putting yourself down.
Keep a “success” log:
When you achieve something–yes, even very small things!–write it down! When you’re feeling down on yourself look back at the list and remind yourself that you’re a person completely capable of success, even if you’re not up to it at the moment.
Keep a trigger log:
When you start to keep track of what triggers negative self talk and low self esteem, you can start to avoid those things, or work out a plan for how to counteract the negative effects they have on you if they are unavoidable.
