In a climate where queer people (and particularly trans and nonbinary people) face unprecedented levels of attacks and invalidation across the US, it is more important than ever for straight allies to provide unqualified support for the queer community. And while you may know that you are a straight ally, it still may be hard to figure out what that really means and what you should do next if you want to support your queer friends.
This is a (nonexhaustive, totally incomplete!) list of ways that you can be an ally to your queer friends.
Listen!
This seems so basic, but listening to your queer friends is the single most important step you can take as an ally. This might mean letting your friend tell you how they understand their identity (and resisting the urge to jump in) or believing them if they talk to you about harassment or discrimination. Listen carefully to the words they use to describe themselves, and then use those words in your speech.
Don’t be afraid of not knowing
It is absolutely okay not to know something! Being an ally may be new to you, or you may feel totally overwhelmed by the amount of information out there. It is never too late to learn. If your queer friends are comfortable teaching you, they may be an excellent place to start. And if not (it’s important to remember that people of marginalized identities are not responsible for your education), never underestimate the power of Google!
Acknowledge your own biases
Everyone has biases – they are simply part of being a person who grows up in a society. But biases themselves are not the problem – it is the behavior that arises from unacknowledged biases that causes harm. Start by examining yourself and thinking about assumptions that you may have. Once you become aware of these assumptions, you can take action that counteracts them.
Decenter yourself
This is not about your feelings toward your friend’s queerness. Being an ally is centering your friend’s experience of the world and remembering that this is a moment for you to bow out. Be conscious of the amount of space you are taking up in queer spaces – allyship is wonderful, but it is important to never speak over the voices of queer people.
Take action
Taking action means different things to different people. It may mean attending a rally or protest with your queer friends, or speaking up when you encounter homophobia within your family. It may be as simple as publicly expressing your support for queer people. But whatever you do, do it in conjunction with your queer friends, and let them take the lead!
This guide offers a nonexhaustive yet impactful list of ways to be an ally to your queer friends.
As an ally, remember to walk side by side with your queer friends, letting them lead the way in this collective journey towards a more inclusive and affirming future.
