By definition, a caretaker is anyone who provides assistance or help to someone in need, including but not limited to, a child, spouse, parent, or family member. Research shows that currently, one in three adults in the United States provide care to older relatives as informal caregivers. The responsibility and role coping with a sick parent or caregiver encompasses can be incredibly difficult to cope with, and this can be exacerbated with the emotional toll of witnessing a parent decline due to old age or illness.
Effects of being a caregiver
Any caregiver is at risk for detrimental mental and physical health effects if not enough prioritization is put on caregiver self-care. This can be heightened for individuals who are currently a part of the “sandwich generation” and are caring for their elderly or ill parents while also raising children of their own, many also working full time. Although caregiving can be incredibly rewarding, it requires immense emotional and physical output that can lead to increased risk of depression, anxiety, and a multitude of physical health concerns if not handled properly.
How to cope with being a caregiver
Accepting the Reality of the Situation: A large challenge for many family caregivers, especially those caring for aging parents, is the lack of acceptance of the individual’s diagnosis or prognosis. This step can be incredibly difficult for loved ones, as it is painful to watch parents decline in any manner but accepting the reality of the diagnosis can be foundational in moving from a place of suffering to a place of pain that can be processed and coped with.
Prioritizing Self-Care: For any caregiver to be capable of providing care to others, the priority needs to be taking care of yourself. An analogy used very often to depict this concept is when on an airplane, the protocol is to always put your own oxygen mask on prior to helping others. It is important for caregivers to allot adequate time for themselves and ensure they set goals to establish a consistent sleep routine, get aerobic exercise on most days out of the week, eat nourishing foods, drink plenty of water, and incorporate socialization and pleasant events into their weekly schedules.
Accepting Help: It is impossible for one individual to provide perfect care and meet every single need of their loved ones, especially if they are simultaneously raising children, working, and attending to their own self-care needs. It is incredibly important for caregivers to regularly check in with themselves emotionally and determine in which ways they could receive support and aid from those around them to avoid burnout. Some examples of ways that other social supports can offer caregivers help is included but not limited to, a friend visiting the person you care for and taking them on a walk a couple times a week, or a friend or family member running an errand, or cooking a meal for you and the individual you care for.
Set Realistic Goals and Focus on What You Can Do: No caregiver will ever be perfect, and it is to be expected that there will be times where you cannot meet all the needs of the individual that you care for. It is imperative that caregivers are kind, patient, and gentle with themselves, and although it is normal to feel guilt, it is important to speak to yourself kindly and remind yourself that you are doing the best you can in the given situation. Alongside this, it is also important to set realistic goals, and break down long-term or larger goals into achievable tasks. This also includes understanding that you are not going to be able to accomplish every task, and there are some requests that you will have to say no to or rely on various social supports to aid you in accomplishing what you are not capable of.
Join a Support Group: Being a caregiver, and witnessing parental illness and decline, can be immensely emotionally and physically taxing, while also incredibly isolating. Alongside scheduling pleasant events throughout your week, upkeeping self-care, and relying on and reaching out to social supports, it can be beneficial for caregivers and those struggling with parental illness to join a support group of individuals experiencing similar hardships. A support group can provide caregivers with different coping skills, validation of emotions that arise from being in this role, an opportunity to create more social support and friendships, as well as an understanding that the individual is not alone in this experience.
A helpful resource for caregivers to locate support systems in their area is the Eldercare Locator or contacting your local Department for the Aging.
