Ready for more talk on distorted thinking? This week we are talking all about changing our thinking patterns.
First, a review: what is distorted thinking? Cognitive distortion is a way in which our mind convinces us of something that isn’t true or has no real basis in reality. Types of cognitive distortions include:
- All or Nothing Thinking
- Overgeneralizing
- Mental Filter
- Disqualifying the Positive
- Jumping to Conclusions
- Magnification (Catastrophizing) and Minimization
- Emotional Reasoning
- Should/Must Statements
- Labeling
- Personalization
While all complex and different forms of cognitive distortions, what they have in common is their outcome: your brain starts perceiving information and interpreting it in ways that just aren’t true to reality.
When unchecked and unattended, patterns of distorted thinking can exacerbate symptoms of depression, anxiety, cause us to isolate ourselves, mismanage conflict, or engage in other damaging behaviors.
They can often be so subtle that we don’t realize that our patterns of thinking ARE cognitive distortions. That’s why learning to recognize them and adjusting our thought patterns is so important.
Today I want you to think about how you respond to the situations and environment around you.
Do you spend too much time finding ways to attribute current circumstances (a friends mood, a tense feeling, derailed plans, etc.) to your person or your behavior? Are you prone to jumping to conclusions without waiting for all sides or all the information? Do small conflicts seem to blow up to huge issues? Are your emotions more likely than facts to rule your perception of the reality around you?
All of these are examples of cognitive distortions. When we don’t take time to question the bias in our perspectives or recognize the false beliefs our feelings are projecting as reality, we prevent ourselves from interacting with our circumstances and environment in an honest way.
Just like other unhealthy habits, distorted thinking patterns aren’t something we’re born with.
The were learned so we CAN learn to change them! While they might not leave your mind right away, with conscious, intentional work you can begin to identify, challenge + eliminate them altogether!
So how can we begin to change our patterns of distorted thinking?
1). Ask yourself: Fact or Opinion?
If your boss was short with you and your mind immediately jumps to “they must hate me!” take a second after that thought crops up and ask yourself, “is this a proven fact or an opinion?” Likely, the person in question didn’t walk up to you and say “I hate you” which means, however valid we think this thought is, it’s only a feeling, not a fact. And while you may not be able to get that opinion out of your head, you CAN introduce new ones to the mix. Maybe they didn’t get enough sleep the night before and are tired. Perhaps they have a lot on their plate and are feeling overwhelmed and crunched for time. Maybe there was another interaction that left them in a sour mood earlier in the day. Do this each time these thoughts pop up until eventually your first instinct isn’t to think “they hate me! I must be doing something wrong!”
2). Swap out “Shoulds” for “It’d be nice if…”:
Do you find yourself saying things like, “a successful person SHOULD have achieved X…” or “I should eat healthier” ? Shoulds, no matter how well intentioned, set us up for a test; here’s something we SHOULD do and if we do, we’re on the right track, but if we don’t then we’re failing. Instead of making concrete rules for yourself, give yourself a little flexibility! Instead of “I should eat healthier” say “it would be nice if I ate more fruits and vegetables.” Now, instead of a task to complete, you have an opportunity and a goal you WANT to work toward.
3). Describe the situation instead of labeling yourself:
When you struggle with something, does your mind jump right to “I’m a loser” or “I’m a failure”? This of course, is completely minimizing to the complex person you are! You can’t define yourself based on a single situation. Instead of labeling yourself based on your situation, learn to describe the *situation*. Instead of saying “I can’t do this on my own, I’m a failure” say “this is a difficult situation that may require some help.”
