When experiencing extreme emotion, you might feel out of control and as if there is no end in sight. Extreme emotion is difficult to calm down from and exhausting. When in extreme emotion, there is a drift from the present reality. You sink into your thoughts and emotions. If you don’t know what to do to get out of that state, it can be paralyzing.
The key to getting out of extreme emotion is grounding yourself. Grounding yourself means getting out of your head and more in touch with the present moment. Once you can do that, you will have a clearer, calmer mind. This makes it easier to figure out how to proceed to better manage the situation and your emotions.
HOW TO GROUND YOURSELF AND GET OUT OF EXTREME EMOTION
- Orient yourself to the present. Open your eyes and observe and describe your surroundings. Bring in as much detail as possible. Remind yourself you are in the here and now. Ask yourself:
- Where am I?
- Who is around me?
- What do I see surrounding me?
- What’s today’s date?
- What season is it?
- How old am I?
- Check in on your senses and note what you hear, see, smell, touch and taste. You can use the 5,4,3,2,1 technique for more guidance. Say out loud 5 things you see, then 4 things you can feel (and touch them as you say them), then 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and lastly, 1 thing you taste.
- Scan your body and notice how it feels in the here and now.
- If you are sitting: observe your body in contact with the chair, feel your back on in contact with the chair, feel your arms on the arm rest or in your lap and your feet on the floor.
- Regardless of your position: notice how your clothing feels on your body, how your hair feels on your head, neck, shoulders. How does the air feel on your skin. Notice how you are interacting with your surroundings
- Breathe in deeply for a count of 5 and exhale for a count of 7. Do this as many times as you need to start to feel calmer and get out of the extreme emotion. It can help to do this sitting down, with your eyes shut.
- Create safety representations for your hand. Begin by tracing your hand on a piece of paper and label each finger as one of the five senses. Then take each finger and identify something special and safe representing each of those five senses. (i.e thumb represents sight and a label for sight might be butterflies). Keep the paper in a place you can see it regularly and have easy access to. When you find yourself in extreme emotion, put your hand in front of your face. Look at each finger and try to do the five senses exercise from memory. You can also draw a new hand each time you feel extreme emotion.
When you ground yourself, it is not about fully moving past the emotion. The goal is to get out of extreme emotion, bringing yourself to an emotional level that is manageable. Extreme emotion clouds judgement. Often, you have the answers; you just need to bring down the intensity so that you can implement other tools.
Download your free stress management guide here to build more tools to help get out of extreme emotion.
Alyssa Mairanz, LMHC, DBTC
Alyssa Mairanz provides counseling and therapy services for life transitions, relationship issues, self esteem, depression, anxiety, and DBT and Psychodynamic therapy in a NYC group practice in the Flatiron District near Madison Square Park. She also serves the Village, Chelsea, Union Square, the Financial District and the surrounding areas.
Empower Your Mind Therapy’s mission is to helps our clients build the life they want and find more happiness and satisfaction.
